Johnny Moped

Before the Mopeds were Black Witch Climax Blues Band way back in 1972 and various mutations of Genetic Breakdown (sic) who consisted of Ray Burns on guitar, his brother Phil Burns on Bass, Dave Berk on Drums and Xerxes (John Skinner) on vocals/saxophone and Johhny aka Paul on Vocals. A lot of the Mopeds songs would come from this time and would be recorded in Ray Burns’ bedroom at their parent’s house and released as the Moped Tapes.

The conventional punk influences were New York Dolls, Stooges, 60s garage and pop etc, but the Captain and various members of the Mopeds were big fans of the early Soft Machine. At one point they used to stalk them from gig to gig. Hence the Mopeds had this wild highly musical thing about them.

To make things more confusing there was a band called The Unusuals with Dave and Fred Berk and Chrissie Hynde on guitar and vocals in September 1976. Before that Fred had been in a band called Tor and when he left a little-known drummer called Roger Bullen took over for awhile before he in turn joined Eater and became Dee Generate. Fuck are you keeping up or are even still awake reading this?

Eventually though Ray Burns became Captain Sensible and the bassist for The Damned and the band turned into Johnny Moped (named by Captain Sensible) in January 1977 so another guitarist was needed. They ended up with two. Once called Slimey Toad (Simon Fitzgerald) who was an extremely proficient player and Chrissie Hynde aka Sissy Bar who naturally thought she would be staying with the Berks.

Roger Armstrong (Chiswick Records) Slimy Toad was a superb guitar player, and I think like many of the punks he was a musician whose vehicle was punk rock. He once met the jazz guitarist Alan Holdsworth [British jazz fusion and progressive rock guitarist, violinist and composer] in a guitar shop and invited him to play at a Moped gig. Alan duly turned up with a few beers or six on board in the punk spirit – gamey lad – and was amazed at how fast and intricate the Moped’s music was. He had real difficulty keeping up with them. Still in attitude and energy they were pure punk rock.

Chrissie Hynde The only time I actually got onstage at the Roxy was with the Berk brothers when we did a version of “Baby It’s You” changed to “Johnny Its You,” me wearing a cardboard pirate hat I got off Fred’s little brother. Reckless, Chrissie Hynde

Xerxes (John Skinner) Of course the Roxy was where a Johnny Moped guitarist/vocalist played her only (I think) gig and ended her debut by taking me to the casualty of Middlesex  for six stitches, after I jumped off the stage and landed on a table of drinks, and lots of glasses.  Obviously such concern and care could not be tolerated in the band and so she was sacked.  Afterwards her career declined terribly and she was last seen playing with those Moped wannabees The Pretenders. Punk77 email, March 2006

The line up lasted one gig at the Roxy before Slimey gave the ultimatum of one guitarist and she was sacked finding out by ringing up a musician’s wanted ad for a Croydon guitarist and Dave Berk answering! Chrissie’s time would come with The Pretenders via the surreal route of the Moors Murderers.

Johnny Moped gigs were unforgettable from the antics of the band to Johnny’s antics and surreal monologues.

A weird lot this! A skinny little drummer, a bass player built like a centurion tank, a lanky spider of a guitarist wearing a kitchen sieve upturned on his head (with two antenna sticking out), and finally Johnny Moped looking like the local hard nut. ”OK Tomcats,” he shouts, and off they go. Nag & Ade, Fanzine writers

Roger Armstrong (Chiswick Records) Johnny was just electric on stage – one of the best performers we ever had. I remember him turning up at a Damned gig one night in Hemel and he got up and did a couple of numbers with the band, finally duetting with Dave on New Rose – spectacular stuff. Punk77 Interview

According to some interviews, they were reluctant to sign to Chiswick Records because they were an independent but in hindsight if they hadn’t it is highly likely they would have remained unsigned or signed to an even smaller independent

Roger Armstrong Live the band were one of the great punk acts and certainly further out on the edge than any of the others. I got to know them via Capt. before we were involved in the Damned. He brought them to our attention.

So all signed up they released the first single Incendiary Device/ Noone which was a fine piece of punk rock in July 1977. The A side with lyrics like “Stick it in her lughole watch her head explode” was not the kind of thing to trouble Abba at the top of the charts but was a good seller.

Some interesting promo posters around it by Barney Bubbles that I think confused more than advertised and a number of interesting songs that bordered on misogynistic like VD Boiler. The record is double grooved so where you place the needle means you either get VD Boiler or a song featuring belches and false starts. It’s also housed in a brilliant Barney Bubbles cover

The recording for an album started in mid 1977 and George Gimarc in his Punk Diary records the band splitting at the same time then keeping going. But.. it was a fair old gap before the record Cycledelic came out, even if it was to great reviews. Part of the problem was his girlfriend Brenda who pretty much kept him under thumb and was as equally bonkers as him.

Roger Armstrong Getting Johnny to the studio could be a nightmare. At one stage the band resorted to kidnapping him from his work. To be honest he was not that unwilling. Captain was amazing with him – like a big brother always on the lookout for him.

He eventually married a fellow eccentric – Brenda. The first gig she turned up at was the Marquee. She plonked a chair down in the middle of the club and to watch the band. Eventually, she was surrounded by pogoing punks who kept knocking her off the chair – but she defiantly got up put the chair back upright and sat down, only to be knocked down again. Punk77 Interview

The final release was a cover of Chuck Berry’s Little Queenie with the whole song sung inexplicably in a falsetto which I suspect was the nail in the coffin of sales and Chiswick let them go.

The end seems as ramshackle and an anti climax as their improbable journey from their first professional gig in January 1977 at the Hope & Anchor. Punk was changing but they hadn’t changed that much. Harder punk bands, post punk and even new romantic bands were arriving and Johnny Moped had kinda moved the other way with songs like Darling and Little Queenie and older songs were the sound of 1977 in 1978. By the end of 1978, Johnny had had enough and the band split.

Years later Captain Sensible’s son would make a film about Johnny. One story was Johnny getting a Hells Angel tattoo that came to their attention via the album cover. An angel was duly dispatched who interrupted a gig and gave him an ultimatum. Johnny got it covered up with of all things a parrot and Lemmy from Motorhead smoothed things over with the angels. And because everything is connected, the angel who gave the ultimatum was called Goat who was going out with Vermilion.

Believe it or not a couple of promo videos were made by designer Barney Bubbles who also did sleeves for them. There’s a still from one of them above (thanks Paul Gormann site) and you can see where the promo posters ideas came from.

How did this band never get a John Peel radio session?

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Incendiary Device / Noone (Chiswick July 1977)

“1,2 Cut your hair!” – And so kicks off one of the best punk rock singles ever and both sides are equally fantastic. Incendiary Device is Frenetic, hilarious, non PC – “Stick it in her lughole watch her head explode!”

The b Side Noone is equally as good.

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Darling Let’s Have Another Baby / Something Else / It Really Digs (Chiswick 1978)

NME’s 2nd best single of the week 11.3.78. “Imagine a godawful C&W jerker taken at leisurely, ever so slightly punky clunk-a-clunk. This one’s a Fred Berk and Johnny song and I struggle with it.

If you ever leave me I’ll cry a million tears
I’ll go to the nearest boozer and drink ten pints of beer

Later covered by Kirsty McColl and Billy Bragg

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Little Queenie / Hard Lovin Man (Chiswick 1978)

Why? Why? Why? I don’t get it nor the cover either and I’m not sure anyone else did at the time. Probably a laugh doing it in Ray Burns bedroom in 1974 but a single?

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Cycledelic (Chiswick Records March 1978)

Ok Tomcats! I couldn’t resist! Anyways let’s get the negative out of the way first which is this is the sound of 1977 released too late in 1978 for various reasons.

But what do you get? The answer is a curious mish mash of influences and the family tree of bands that led up to Johnny Moped. From the out and out punk rock of No One, Hell Razor and Panic Button to the yob call and response vocals of VD Boiler and Make Trouble that predated god help us all… Oi.

Maniac is more heavy metal in its riff making a perfect headbanging song and Groovy Ruby is a more a sixties psychedelic pop song. 3D time and Maniac are the hidden masterpieces which seems an over the top thing to say; the former is a cross between Pink Floyd Syd Barrett era and The Damned and the latter starts as a standard punk song before breaking down into a complex guitar solo turning into what I can only describe as Smash It Up Part 1 style. These guys can obviously play, but they fit their virtuosity into the punk songs

I’ll go against public opinion and say the 2 weakest song are Little Queenie (why?) and Darling…. and they were the last 2 singles.

The Mopettes are on the record which is Shanne from the Nipple Erectors and Chrissie Hynde. I’m sure Captian Sensible is in there somewhere as well.

The cover is also fabulous and was done by the legendary Barney Bubbles who designed a lot of Hawkwind classic posters and record covers and loads more including Ian Dury.